I’ve had a rough year. I’ve stuggled with school, money, weight, and just being myself in general. It’s been a hard year and the worst part is, the struggle wasn’t painful, it was hollow and lacking purpose. And now that it’s Christmas break and I can just be, I feek like things are going to get better. As cliche as it sounds, I think 2015 is my year and I honestly can’t wait for the new year. I can’t remember a time in my life when I was this excited about a new year; they were always just kind of there. But for some reason this one feels different. It holds possibility and hard work and maybe even love. Maybe because I’m in college and I’m on my own or maybe it’s becuase I’m going to be 20 this year and I’ll no longer be a teenager. Whatever the reason, I hope it last.
I spent the entire year worrying about what I am going to do with my life and I’ve finally realized that it’s okay to not know and that it’s okay to take it one step at a time. I’ve decided on a location of the country I want to attend grad school, the northeast, and I don’t need to make any more life changing decisions until at least August. And there’s something freeing in having a lack of in life. Maybe this year I’ll be better at everything, including keeping a steady blog, but who knows.
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The Best Friend’s Beau: Should you be his friend too?
We’ve all been there; your best friend is intruducing you to her new boyfriend for the first time. You play it cool because you want him to like you but at the same time you want to be the mysterious cool girl. But he is a little too friendly. The one that doesn’t stop talking to you and is trying to get on your good side because that will earn him bonus points with the girlfriend. You go with it but then it gets to the point of is he hitting on me or is he just that friendly? Or even worse, why does he need my approval that badly? Then there’s his polar opposite; the guy that is a total dick towards you because A) he literally doesn’t care or B) he doesn’t want to come off as hitting on you. Unfortunately I’ve experienced both. Between needy and completely iced off, there has to be an in-between. There has to be a middle ground where the best friend and the boyfriend can co-exist. And if there is such a place, what are the rules?
Well I am no expert but I have picked up some tips along the way. I’ve made it a rule to not even meet the boyfriend unless I know it’s serious. Girls go through so many guys that there is no point trying to know the flings if they’ll be out of your life by the end of the week. It’s not worth your time or effort. But if a lucky one does make it to the introduction, how well should you get to know him then? Is it possible to be both of their friends without getting in the middle or betraying your best friend. One of the main issues I’ve dealt with is it okay for him to talk to you about her? And based on experience, I’ve decided that sure, as long as its platonic and only light subjects. If he starts complaining about her or trying to know you deeper, then that is when you bow out. You don’t need to complicate things.
At the moment I have a best friend who’s boy is trying to know me for her sake, because he wants to be a part of her life, while I have another best friend who’s boy only talks to me when he has to, like when all of us are together. And I honestly prefer the latter. Unless we were friends before, I don’t need to be friends with you. Yes we can be friendly and talk when she’s around but other than that I’m good; I have my own boyfriend and I already know a lot more about your relationship than you think I do, so no, I don’t need to be your friend too. That sounds harsh but it makes sure things don’t become complicated and you don’t become like a child in a divorce when they break up. So I guess the answer to my own question is yes you can be friends with your best friend’s boyfriend but only in the way you know a classmate or a co-worker, nothing more.
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The Thing About Live Music
Last night I saw Th 1975 at The Fillmore in Charlotte. I love Matty and their music and the fact that they’re british makes it all the better. I have a bit of an obsession with british accents; it’s my thing. But more than the fact that I love this band, is that I love live music. There is something about music in the first place that resonates in you. Through the lyrics and the percussion and the voice of the singer, you connect with it and it gives you the feels (for lack of a better term). My favorite though, is live music. The whole experience makes you feel alive and free and it makes you feel like you are a part of something. First there’s the crowd, being so close with complete strangers, packed up body to body, but in this moment, it’s okay because you’re all there for one thing. Never in any other situation would you mind sharing a strangers sweat. Then there’s the volume. It is so overwhelming that you can’t even hear yourself think and your voice is lost in the speakers along with everyone else’s. Then there’s the bass. That moment when you can feel it vibrate throught your whole body and it rattles your bones an you can feel it in your chest. And then, if you’re lucky and you’re super close to the front, you can make eye contact with lead singer and its almost like they are singing only to you. Everything about live music makes me feel alive and I can live completely in that moment and not have another care in the world. It’s a natural high, getting lost in music that penetrates the soul. It’s a high that you don’t come down from for hours because of how spiritual the experience is. Music sticks with you. Live music changes you.
Freshman Year: Why I Wouldn’t Change a Thing.
As I sit here writing this, I should be studying for my last two finals; my last of freshman year that I honestly need to make A’s on. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I am too overwhelmed with the enormity of the fact that this is the end of my freshman year of college. Looking back, I wonder if I would change things; I wonder if I should have joined different organizations; I wonder how different my life would be if I had taken a different class or taken a different work shift. But most of all, I wonder what my life would be like if I had not gone to the University of Georgia at all. What if I had gone to my back up schools, Bama or Ole Miss? What if I had gotten into my first choice, Georgetown? My life would be completely different. I would take different classes; I would know different people; I would be different.
I’m not gonna lie, college has changed me. It has made me grow up and it has made me realize a lot of things that I was to naive to understand before. I learned that people will leave you. No matter how hard you love them or hold on to them, they will slip through your fingers and that’s just the way things are. I learned that class is a lot harder than you thought it would be. That you actually have to study if you even want above a C. I learned that making friends is hard. There must be effort put in and you have to open up to people you barely know, just praying that they don’t rip you in two. But the biggest thing I learned is that you will lose faith. You will lose it many times and you will regain it. There will be times when you feel lost and alone, and then there are those nights surrounded by friends where you could never imagine feeling that lost again, but it will happen. Even though college was a lot harder than I thought it would be, some amazing things came out of it. I realized what I want to do with my life, and I realized your best friends will still be your best friends even though you live hundreds of miles away. Most importantly, I found a home. In this wonderful classic city, I found myself and the people who will be on my journey for the next three years. Looking back at what could have been, one thing I know for sure though is that I wouldn’t want to change a thing.
So to anyone who is about to start college next year, these are the 10 things you need to know.
1. STUDY!
The amount of work that has to be done is enourmas and all you will want to do is not do it. DO IT. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself when you see your test grade.
2. Get a Job.
Yes, it will take up time, but you need money! The amount of times I heard my friends say they couldn’t do something because they were broke is too many to count. Money is a good thing.
3. Join EVERY Organization Possible.
That is the only way you will find your niche. You have to try everything to find the right group.
4. Go Out!
You will regret the nights you stayed in watching Netflix. You could be out making memories so take it while you can.
5. Health is Important!
Shower, eat well, work out…You’re body will thank you for it.
6. It’s okay to skip classes.
Your parents may make it seem like a big deal but some days you just need to relax. It’s okay.
7. You’re not going to be friends with everyone.
In high school, everyone may have been besties, but that girl you met the first week or the boy that smiled at you downtown, you may never see them again.
8. Reach out to people.
There are so many people, so if you find one you like, hold on to them. Some of these people will be your friends for life; make sure you pick the right ones.
9. Laugh at yourself.
When you do something stupid, don’t get embarrassed. People are crazy and college is the time to make a fool of yourself. Embrace it.
10. Try new things!
College is the time to find yourself. Take weird classes; go to new places; talk to people you wouldn’t normally talk to. Don’t be afraid to spend all night exploring with your friends. This is the time to live and live well, so don’t waste it.
I honestly loved my freshman college experience. It was crazy and hard and wonderful and life changing all at the same time. But I am also excited for the next chapter. People say freshman year is the next chapter after high school, but that’s just the transition phase. The real next chapter starts once you get through and you don’t even realize it till the end.
The problem with political parties…
I remember when I was about 13, which is honestly not that long ago conisdering it’s only been six years, but it seems like an eternity. i was 13 and my friend who was ‘republican’ by default of her parents asked me if I was democrat or republican. Now I grew up in a small southern town where everybody new your entire family tree; who your mama was and who your mama’s mama was, and so on. The odd part was that my mama’s mama was a southern democrat who was very well respected. There fore, you guessed it, my mother is a democrat. Now my dad has never shared his political views with me. He says it’s a personal matter than one should decide for themselves and no one else should influence their decision. Considering he is from Alabama one would think he was a republican, but my dad, he’s like me; he believes in the individual and the free spirited. Between you and me, I think he’s a democrat.
Now back to my 13 year old self. My best friend, at the time, asked me if I was a democrat or a republican. I naturally replied democrat, becasue that’s what my mom was. She looked at me with judgy eyes and said “So you support abortion?” I remember trying to justify my belief but at the time I couldn’t. “You know that if you’re a democrat you believe in abortion. You believe in killing babies.” She persisted on with the judgement and telling me what it meant, as if I had just said I was renouncing God and joining a cult. I obviously moved passed this tramatic incident in my journey of discovering my social and political beliefs. After that I soon realized that no I was not pro abortion, but I was in fact pro choice. I realized that it was not my right to decide for someone else what they can and cannot do to their body. I realized it was none of my business. I realized earlier than most that I was not the boss of everyone else and I had no right to tell them what they could and couldn’t do. So why should my beliefs have to affect them? During high school I liked to think of myself of an individualist; I understood that I could not make choices for other people, and I hypocritacly thought they shouldn’t be doing that either. By saying that I thought they shouldn’t be able to make decisions for others, I was trying to make a decision for them. Now to explain this would require a deep philosphocial discussion that I’m sure my philosophy teacher, Tony, would love to discuss. (Don’t worry, I’ll be blogging about him later on)
I was once again faced with the decision of democrat or republican when I got my drivers licscence. The cop at the DMV asked and I was hesitant to answer. Now I know I could of have chosen neither, but the idea of being identified in the void terrified me, even with something as little as this. So I chose what was safe, I sticked with democrat. I still have not personally identified myself as either. I feel I am too much in the middle and too open minded to completely take one side. And that is the problem with our government. Everything is either for something or against it. It’s either right or left. It’s either conservative or liberal. If I was in charge, hypathetically cause let’s be real, who would put me in charge? If I was in charge, I would take the side of our ol’ buddy George Washington; no political parties, because taking a side is what tears us a part.
Proof: I am no longer BBFLs with my 13 year old best friend, in fact we hardly ever talk…
Somber Thoughts on the Real Life Front
So it’s the morning, well somewhat still morning. I just got out of class, and I thought ‘hey, I’ve never actually sat down and wrote in the morning’. I just never feel very creative. Well it’s raining; I have my coffee (skinny carmello, extra shot, light whip), and I’m waiting for my friends to get out of class. So here I am…
Today is more of a personal post, more of just my mind wandering where it wants. I’m planning on changing my major really soon. But everytime I’m close to making the sure decision, I halt. I know it’s what I want, but something always makes me pause and question if that’s actually what I want; if I’m absolutely sure. And I don’t know. People say it’s okay to not know at such a young age, but I need to know for my own sanity. And my mother, oh my mother. She only cares about those straight A’s, which is extremely difficult in college, but hey as long as you kill yourself trying. I mean every time we talk, that is all it ever is, ‘what did you make on that test again?’ and ‘what was that quiz grade’. Can we not have a normal conersation that’s not about school? How about my friends, or what I did this weekend, or what organization I want to join. Anythng else would do. I’ve already decided I’m moving to New York after college. My friend wants to be a fasion designer, and I a writer, so we will be the two starving artist living in a 2×4 trying to make it in the big city. I need to not be smothered by parents or expectations or the constant reminder that it is very possible that I will fail. I need to make it on my own and prove myself. I need to make a differnce in the world or make an impact on someone, or my life will be pointless.
There’s a quote, I can’t remember who said it, but it rings true for me; “They say you die twice; once when you take your last breath, and then again, for good, when someone says your name for the last time.”
BEYONCE by Superfruit
This is probably the best Beyonce cover I have ever seen. It is of her newest cd, which is amazing I might add. Many people have most recently become Queen B fans becasue of this cd, mainly Drunk in Love. A lot of people don’t know any of the other songs and those who do, know that the rest of her album is extremely sexual. My friend and I were talking the other day about how much we love Queen B and about how this album was so much more sexual than the others. I think that she is trying to make a statement with this album by being extremely sexual. Men can sing about sex and not be judged or questioned, but hold up, a woman sings about it, call the vatican. Beyonce takes a very feminist stance with this album, that is very empowering to women. I mean look at ‘Pretty Hurts’ and ‘Flawless’. These songs tell women that they can be more than a pretty face. Women can be powerful and have careers and be successful. She is the perfect example that women should be seen as an equal to men. Being a feminist is not saying that women don’t need men, it says that women should be able to be strong and successful but still have a family and a home. To me being a feminist says ‘I want the whole package’. I mean Beyonce has it all with her career, Jay-Z, and Blue. She honestly is what inspired me to identify as a feminist and it is mainly because of her new album.
When in Rome…
In honor of my Mythology test tomorrow morning…
I often find myself daydreaming of ancient times like those of the Romans and the Greeks. When there was such a thing as witches and monsters and tragic heroes. When women were cunning and feared for being so, and the gods walked among us humans and mingled and had torrid affairs. I thrive on the stories and the imagination that it takes transport to that era. I thrive on the beauty of the art they created. Oh the art is my passion. The sculptures and statues of heroes and gods, frozen in mid thought or action as if Medusa herself looked them in the eyes. And the stories…I dream that the stories could be real, and that something so majestic and magical could actually exist. But in reality it is all just myth; there is no way to know if the stories were true or how much they were exaggerated or if they ever even happened at all. And that’s what kills me the most, never knowing, never knowing if the history of everything is truth or just the lies of the victors.
Flawless and Fetching 