Somber Thoughts on the Real Life Front

So it’s the morning, well somewhat still morning.  I just got out of class, and I thought ‘hey, I’ve never actually sat down and wrote in the morning’.  I just never feel very creative.  Well it’s raining; I have my coffee (skinny carmello, extra shot, light whip), and I’m waiting for my friends to get out of class.  So here I am…

Today is more of a personal post, more of just my mind wandering where it wants.  I’m planning on changing my major really soon.  But everytime I’m close to making the sure decision, I halt.  I know it’s what I want, but something always makes me pause and question if that’s actually what I want; if I’m absolutely sure.  And I don’t know.  People say it’s okay to not know at such a young age, but I need to know for my own sanity.  And my mother, oh my mother.  She only cares about those straight A’s, which is extremely difficult in college, but hey as long as you kill yourself trying.  I mean every time we talk, that is all it ever is, ‘what did you make on that test again?’ and ‘what was that quiz grade’.  Can we not have a normal conersation that’s not about school?  How about my friends, or what I did this weekend, or what organization I want to join.  Anythng else would do.  I’ve already decided I’m moving to New York after college.  My friend wants to be a fasion designer, and I a writer, so we will be the two starving artist living in a 2×4 trying to make it in the big city.  I need to not be smothered by parents or expectations or the constant reminder that it is very possible that I will fail.  I need to make it on my own and prove myself.  I need to make a differnce in the world or make an impact on someone, or my life will be pointless.  

There’s a quote, I can’t remember who said it, but it rings true for me; “They say you die twice; once when you take your last breath, and then again, for good, when someone says your name for the last time.”Image


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